I’ve been dreaming about you way to much and It’s freaking me out because when I wake up I’m holding someone else in my arms. Why can’t you just get out of my head already? I have her and I love her, I really fucking love her. I loved you too but you’ve moved on and are happy. I thought I did, I want to, but how can I when every night you’re back?
time for another text post on the personal blog
shit, so much has happened and I don’t’ even know where to even start. I’ve lost everyone from Brookline, I have no one left there and it’s really scary. I love my friends from college but I have no stable place to return to. Everything is in a very constant state of flux. Such an oxymoron right? That the only consistancy in my life currently is that everything is constantly changing. I miss simplicity of high school, of knowing that I have a fall back.
Maybe I really shouldn’t have left, I’m so depressed, more depressed than I was back home and I don’t know why. I have people here who actually give a shit about me and I feel so god damn alone. I’m cutting, I’m smoking way too much weed, and way too many cigarettes. I want my home back, and I want my friends back. I’m scared of who I’m becoming right now and I don’t know what to do.
I’m scared of changing this much. I miss you guys, I miss you a lot. I should’ve just stayed, I really should’ve. Been a fucking burn out, gotten my hair dressing license and have been living my life. Doing my activism, I miss that a lot. I want to make so many changes in the world and right now I’m just sitting on my ass learning theories that I’m not using, preparing to be some fucking person who I’m not sure I want to be. I just want to party my life away, not give a fuck.
I love you guys, please tell me what I can do to get you back because I feel like I’ll do anything right now, I need you Burks, you’re my best friend. Please tell me what I can do, please.
I’m really unstable right now, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
why did they take me off my fucking meds
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
I’m losing it
I’m going to restart this blog so that people from school who don’t have my old blog can’t see what I post, this is kinda my new personal blog I guess
I don’t know if you still look at this but if you do I didnt want this to happen. This was not of my doing.